


Greendale's Very Own Jurassic Park Rip-Off

by bluecinderella4



Category: Community (TV)
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-29
Updated: 2013-04-05
Packaged: 2017-12-06 20:30:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 17,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/739859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluecinderella4/pseuds/bluecinderella4
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pierce decides to open a dinosaur-themed park on his private island and invites the group to join him on a weekend getaway. And no, you-know-who won't sue (he owes Pierce).</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Obvious Expositional Chapter

**Author's Note:**

> Okay I'm probably one of the few people who hadn't seen Jurassic Park until this year- though I knew the Weird Al song for like ever. I know, I know; one of the best known, most watched movies of all time and I finally see it 20 years later. I always put it off for other things but I finally sat down and watched it and yeah I really, really like it.
> 
> So much so that I got another weird mash-up idea. Hey, I like ripping off movies and fitting them to canon and the more challenging the movie seems the more fun I can have.
> 
> Surprisingly, I've come up with something very coherent that fits with canon. So like my last story, it keeps the basic gist of the movie and keeps key moments while fitting with Community canon.

"Did I ever tell you," Pierce's abrupt talking interrupted the quietness of actual studying, "about the time I had sex with Eartha Kitt-"

"Yes," six annoyed voices reminded him in unified ire.

"Well! Keep up that negative attitude and I won't invite you all to my private island."

This got everyone's attention; particularly Jeff's who arched an eyebrow in disbelief. "You have your own private island?"

"Yes, and I'm really rather bored with it. I mean it just sits there somewhere in one of those destitute continents like Europe or Canada but everyone speaks Mexican there."

"So it's in South America?" Annie asked for mainly clarification purposes.

"And you'd figure they'd speak American in South America. Anywho, I've decided that my private island was boring and I've decided to build a theme park."

Troy's eyes went wide with excitement. "Like DisneyWorld?"

"I suppose, but I'm going to center it on dinosaurs."

Jeff chuckled. "Well that's something you should have plenty of experience with."

"I had a feeling you would make a joke about my age but I'm just going to ignore that and let you get back to your gay thoughts."

"And I'll just ignore your pathetic attempts at a comeback."

Pierce scoffed at him and continued talking. "So this dinosaur theme park idea has been under construction for a couple of years and I plan to open it to the public."

Shirley smiled. "I'm sure my boys would love a dinosaur themed amusement park."

"I'd love a dinosaur themed amusement park," Troy interjected.

"By public I mean people over the age of eighteen," Pierce's explanation earned a frown from Shirley and a celebratory 'Yes!' from Troy. "It's not that it's an adult park it's just I really hate children. There are so many legal hoops to jump through for children so why bother."

"But kids love dinosaurs," Britta pointed out.

"I love dinosaurs," Troy reminded.

Pierce shrugged. "Well, I don't like kids. And I didn't say it was an amusement park, it's a theme park where the theme is dinosaurs. There won't be any rides, just dinosaurs."

"We can't ride the dinosaurs?"

"I can't open this park without consents and endorsements from a lawyer, a naturalized U.S. citizen over the age of twenty-one, and an academic advisor."

Annie looked at him confused. "Why do you need an academic advisor?"

"Gilbert suggested the park would be a sure-fire guarantee if we claim there's academic merit in it. I mean, you're learning about dinosaurs and crap. We just need an academic advisor to come along with us of course."

"Am I to assume that I'm the lawyer?" Jeff inquired.

"Oh no, I hired a legitimate, not gay lawyer. I suppose I can ask the dean to accompany us, Troy and Annie would be the appropriate age for the target age group, there would be diversity, Britta enjoys free stuff…"

"Yeah and," half of the group groaned in advance when Britta started speaking, "having someone who's an avid animal lover would be beneficial because if said animal lover- i.e. me- were to see some sort of mistreatment said animal lover might call PETA or the ASPCA; both numbers she keeps on speed dial."

No one said anything for a moment until Pierce broke the awkward silence by continuing on with his prior speech. "…Britta enjoys free stuff, and this is like a mini vacation on a private island somewhere off the coast of some Spanish speaking place whose name I most likely will pronounce wrong."

"What are you gonna call your park?" Troy at with the utmost curiosity.

"I'm going to call it…Jurassic Park."

Jeff put his hands to his large forehead in exasperation. "Spielberg is going to sue your plagiarizing ass for millions."

"That loser? Steven owes me one so we'll call this theme park thing even."

"I don't think this is such a good idea," Abed finally spoke. "If you're going to have the park exactly like the movie then-"

"That's where you're wrong A-bed," Pierce mispronounced Abed's name (as usual). "See, that was just a movie. The only similarities this has to that piece of crap film is the dinosaurs and the name. It's not like anyone's going to get killed."

"I'm still really unsure about this. Personally, if you're going to build a theme park from a movie I'd suggest WallyWorld from National Lampoon's Vacation or a movie park that wouldn't kill its customers."

Pierce laughed. "That was the best movie ever." He cleared his throat. "But that park would be too obvious and children would want to go because it's the perfect rip-off name for DisneyWorld. Besides, it's a jungle island so it can't really have an urban park. That's the word I'm looking for right, urban? It's not too racist?"

"Still, it doesn't really feel right."

"Then don't come."

"No, I want to come. I like dinosaurs."

"Who doesn't?"

"So we're going to a dinosaur park created by a dinosaur?" Jeff sighed in exasperated defeat as Pierce glowered at the joke. "I just know this is going to be a guaranteed failure."


	2. Here on Hawthorne's Isle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was nice enough to bring in Gilbert too

"Air Hawthorne 2 is ready for takeoff," Gilbert proudly informed to the waiting group of eight people.

"Gilbert," Pierce beckoned his half-brother closer, "Why can't I use Air Hawthorne 1? It's bigger and has a Jacuzzi."

"Air Hawthorne 1 is still being repaired after your last endeavor," Pierce chuckled at the thought. "Air Hawthorne 2 is the only back up private plane we have to accommodate ten people."

Annie set her book aside. "I thought there were only nine people going. Are you going too Gilbert?"

"Oh no. The plan was to have nine passengers until Pierce invited another one of your friends."

The tenth passenger arrived at the airport. "Buenos Dias amigos y amigas," the seven people who weren't Pierce screamed.

"Pierce, what the hell?" clearly, Jeff was not pleased.

"Oh come now Jeffrey," Pierce stood beside Chang. "Chang here is our friend slowly recovering from effects of Changnesia. Perhaps a weekend getaway with friends- and a sign of good faith by inviting an Asian-American to my private island- may very well be a good thing. Plus, he does speak Spanish."

"It's Chang!"

"Show some compassion for people that are different from you."

"That's great advice coming from you of all people."

"Um hi, I don't mean to interrupt," Chang anxiously interrupted, "but could you direct me to the little Chang's room?" Pierce pointed to the clearly marked bathroom. "Thanks," whistling a Christmas song for some unknown reason, Chang first walked into the ladies room, igniting a 'GET OUT OF HERE FREAK' from Britta before hurrying into the men's room.

And much like the women's room, the men's room also had an occupant. "Hello Ben Chang."

"Dean Spreck from City College."

"The very same," Dean Spreck stepped closer to Chang. "I must say, I'm surprised that ploy to get you to go actually worked. Everyone at Greendale is so pathetically stupid."

"I go to Greendale."

"I'll take back what I said about you only if you follow through on our top secret plan to make sure the park fails, humiliate Dean Pelton and the infamous Greendale 7, and steal some sciency things for City College for a shitload of money."

"I do love money."

"To ensure that you do this for us," Spreck picked up what looked like a woman's purse from under the sink, "we'll pay you in advance with half of City College's funding."

"Okay."

"For extra protective measures, you should take this," Spreck picked up a can of shaving cream that sat behind a faucet. "Like a Transformer, it's more than meets the eye. It also has neat sound effects." He started to unscrew the bottom of the can. "In case you need to steal test tube stuff this has fifteen compartments big enough for the average sized test tube." He put the bottom back on. "And yes," he squirted the top and shaving cream came out, "this also has shaving cream."

"It's like magic."

"It's science…science we stole from our tour of the University of Denver but they had millions of these things. Good luck Ben Chang."

"Yeah, could you hold on to that for a sec? I really have to pee."

…

"Hey, hey look who's here?" the ninth passenger had arrived.

"Crap," Jeff muttered under his breath. He turned around and came face to face with the lawyer Pierce had hired (again). "Hello Alan."

"Didn't know you'd be comin' along Winger."

"Likewise."

"You think I'm going to enjoy spending my weekend with you?"

"I hope you get eaten by a T-Rex while you're on the can."

"Charming. Well, I hope you get…did anything bad happen to the other people in the movie?"

"That kid got shocked by a ten thousand volt fence."

"Well, I hope that happens to you."

"It's a dinosaur theme park. Couldn't you think of some creative way for me to get killed by a dinosaur?"

Alan smiled. "This must be a dream come true for you Jeff considering your nerdy love for dinosaurs."

"I merely have a fascination for them and am in no way shape or form a nerd."

"Uh-huh, sure. Good luck hiding that fact the first time you see a dinosaur."

"Hate to interrupt your gay conversation," Pierce was standing in between the lawyers, "but the plan leaves in five minutes."

"Better get on if I wanna sit next to the hot blonde."

"The 'hot blonde'," Jeff air quoted the description, "is taken."

"She must have poor taste in guys if she's with you."

"Ugh, she's not my girlfriend."

"Then I'll sit by the cute brunette," Alan prepared to board.

"The hell you will," Jeff muttered before chasing after him.

But much to both of their dismays, the cute brunette was already on the plane sitting beside the hot blonde. Troy was next to Abed, Pierce took a seat beside Shirley, and the only two open seats were either next to Chang or the Dean. And the dean was more than eager for Jeff to sit next to him.

Alan put his hand on Jeff's shoulder to push past him. "Looks like you got yourself a seat," he laughed at Jeff's expense as he sat beside Chang.

With a groan, Jeff took a seat beside the excited academic advisor. And with his luck this was going to be a long flight.

…

This is one time Jeff wished he wasn't right. Once they landed on Hawthorne Isle, Jeff was the first one off the plane. Awaiting the passengers were two jeeps with Jurassic Park labeled on the doors. Not wanting to have to suffer again, Jeff took the passenger seat in the front of the second car next to the driver and put on his sunglasses. Not wanting to be in the same car as Jeff, Alan sat in the backseat of the first car while Pierce called "Shotgun!". Britta, Abed, Shirley, and Chang squeezed themselves in the back of the second car while Annie, Troy, and Dean Pelton assembled in the back of the first car.

"Are these the standard cars customers will be driven in?" Alan questioned Pierce.

Pierce scoffed. "No, what kind of idiot do you think I am? The passenger cars run on a track and come with a roof."

"And fifty miles worth of perimeter fence are in place?"

"More or less."

"What about the motion sensors?"

"Oh quit being a pansy! Everything is up and running. Now if you please; shut up and try to enjoy yourself without strippers."

"Pierce, this is also a serious investigation and not just a weekend getaway."

"Investigation of what?" Troy asked Annie.

"Alan's here to make sure the park is appropriate for the public," Annie explained.

"Don't investigations involve going undercover?"

"Not always."

He sat back with wide eyes. "My mind has been warped."

The jeeps drove on to a grassy area of open space before Pierce instructed the drivers to stop. "Oh driver, stop here," he turned his head to his left. "This is a good spot." The backseaters turned to see what Pierce was viewing and their jaws dropped.

Shirley was confused as the second car began to slow down. "What's going on? Why are we stopping?" She watched with nervousness as Jeff stood in his seat and took off his sunglasses. "Jeffrey?" Shirley got a look at what Jeff had seen. "Oh my Lord." Abed and Chang also looked at the scene before them.

Britta, however, was looking at the map inside the program that was passed out on the plane. "Geez, how big is this place?"

"Britta," Abed repeatedly tapped her on the shoulder.

"Abed, cut it out!"

"You need to see this."

"See what?" Britta peered her head at what the rest of her group was looking at. "Holy spit."

A real life dinosaur- a Brachiosaurus to be exact- stood before them munching on the tree tops. Jeff leapt out of the car and slowly approached the dinosaur as others followed suit. They each stood feet away as the massive, long-necked dinosaur stood on its hind legs.

"You crazy son of a bitch you actually did it," Abed quietly spoke to Pierce.

Alan clapped his hands in delight. "Oh this could bring in a fortune."

"What kind of dinosaur is it?" Troy asked with enthusiasm.

"It's a Brachiosaurus," Annie proudly answered. "Also known as the 'arm lizard' this is one of the tallest and largest dinosaurs in existence. A Brachiosaurs is usually eighty-five feet long with a height of forty or fifty feet."

"I don't know why you're making a big deal out of long neck here," Pierce was unimpressed. "Personally, the T-Rex is more impressive and the staff determined it can run thirty-two miles per hour."

Jeff turned around and faced Pierce. "T-Rex? You have a T-Rex?"

"Just one."

"That's still a pretty big deal!"

"Guys!" Britta waved for everyone to gather around her. "There's more!"

The rest of the group went over to where Britta was standing and got a look at two more Brachiosaurses wading in the water. Nearby, there stood a flock of new dinosaurs.

"It's a group of Parasaurolophuses," Annie commented with awe. "Also known as crested lizards. A Parasaurolophus is usually- "

"Shut up bookworm," Jeff remarked to her as he watched them move in herds. Annie hit him in the shoulder (which he then rubbed in some agony) and joined in the viewing.

"Pierce," Shirley struggled to speak, "h-how did you do all this?"

"Gilbert and I hired the best team of scientists and had nothing to do with this," Pierce responded. "All will be explained when we get to the visitor's center."

…

"This is cheap," Abed commentated as they were forced to sit through the exact same video of Richard Attenborough from the movie.

"Yeah but that Mr. DNA is still cool," Troy commented back.

When the video ended, Jeff was the first to ask Pierce a question. "So this place is a basic rip-off a movie you hate but without the violence that made it cool?"

"Exactly."

"Why?"

"Because it's a sure-fire money maker."

"And you've engineered them so all dinosaurs are female and can't do any unauthorized breeding?" Abed inquired.

"Sure, whatever. You know, I thought of making them all male dinosaurs but then I realized that would be too gay. Females have the babies anyway."

"And you fill in the holes of DNA coding with frog DNA?"

"Jeez A-bed I have no idea. I told them to follow science stuff in the movie to a tee. I didn't pay attention to the boring stuff, I only watched that terrible movie for the violence."

"Do I really need to remind you some frogs are-"

"Feeding time!" Pierce got up and led the others outside to a heavily caged area.

"I take it this feeding time isn't for us," Chang remarked.

'MOO'! They looked up to see a cow dangling on wires above the caged area.

"Get ready for a vegetarian freakout," Jeff whispered to the gang as Britta stepped forward.

"You're going to feed them a cow?" Clearly, Britta was not too pleased with this.

"A diseased or elderly cow," Pierce's attempted assuring didn't help matters.

"Why is that cow being dangled over the cage like that?" Shirley asked.

"Because it's dangerous to send food in through the door," Abed answered back. "That's a Velociraptor in there, right?"

"How the hell should I know A-bed," this was Pierce's way of saying he didn't know.

"If this is supposed to be like the movie, then how come we haven't witnessed a baby Velociraptor being hatched?"

"Because it's rather pointless."

"I disagree," a new, yet familiar person met up with the group. "Personally, Velociraptors are my favorite dinosaurs and I would give up bodily organs to see the hatching of a baby Velociraptor.

"Is that…" Annie recognized him, "you're the black rider from our second paintball adventure."

"Nice to see you remembered," he took her hand and kissed it. "Rider Black, how you doin'?"

"Wait," Jeff realized what his name was, "you're the Black Rider and your name is Rider Black?"

"You got a problem with that Mr. Insecure?"

"Couldn't think up a better nickname there Pretty Boy?"

Their petty squabbling ceased when they heard a loud shriek and the inside of the cage began to rattle. The sounds of frightened 'MOOs' mixed with the shrieking. "Boy, that one was hungry."

"Why is that dinosaur in a cage?" Pelton asked as Jeff released himself from his grasp.

"Ain't no way this one is gonna be let loose. It's got near cheetah speed, and very, very sharp teeth. Raptors are intelligent, even problem solvers. That's why we had to feed them the way we did. Fun fact; they never attack the same place twice. We call the one in here Cagney."

"You have another one?"

"Lacey."

"Of course," Jeff scoffed under his breath.

"So Rider," Troy started, "what do you do here?"

"I'm a big game hunter," Rider informed. "Also known as the game warden. I uh…I keep these babies in line."

"Or else you shoot them?" Britta coldly questioned.

"That's how my job works, yes."

The wires began to rise and the cow was gone. "This is cold blooded slaughtering."

Pierce clapped his hands together. "Who's hungry?"

"What's for lunch?" Chang inquired.

"Steak."


	3. A Pathetic Attempt for a Tour

Pierce had set up a gourmet steak lunch in what appeared to be a fancy looking conference room with posters of upcoming attractions displayed on the walls.

"And we can charge $2,000 a day, maybe even $10,000 a day," Alan was price planning. "A place like this is guaranteed to make a fortune."

"Yeah but regular people like us can't afford to pay that," Britta reminded. "This park isn't just for rich people. If you want it to be open to the general public you should keep the price in the hundreds at least."

"Clearly you don't know how to run a business. I suppose we could have a…coupon day or something."

"I still think this is a bad idea," Abed spoke. "I know these kinds of scientific breakthroughs are cool, but are they really a good idea? Just because this can be done does it mean it should be done?"

Pierce scoffed. "What if we were doing this with endangered animals like a panda or a blue-footed booby," Pierce chuckled. "Heh, booby. Anyway, would you have any objections to saving those species?"

"It's different; nature selected dinosaurs for extinction."

"What baffles me," Annie began, "is how can you know anything about an extinct ecosystem? I mean, how could you ever assume you can control it?"

Britta nodded, wanting to add more. "Yeah, and as an avid plant lover-"

"Pfft," Jeff interrupted, "you kill any plant you come in contact with."

Britta quickly flipped him off before continuing on. "I noticed that some plants on this island are poisonous. If a dinosaur eats them they could die."

Shirley raised her hand to speak her mind. "I'm curious to know how dinosaurs are going to survive with humans on the island. I mean, they're not as evolved as humans. We have no idea what to expect."

"Unbelievable," Pierce was offended, "the only person on my side is the bloodsucking, certified lawyer with no hair," Alan frowned at that while Jeff let out a small, satisfied laugh. "Is anybody here on my side?"

"I can't believe I'm saying this but I'm on Pierce's side," Jeff admitted.

"Thank you Jeffrey."

"Yeah, this place seems pretty awesome," Troy also sided with Pierce and Jeff. "I know I'm not the only one who's ever wanted to interact with dinosaurs."

"And if Jeff supports this place I see no reason why I can't," Craig added.

Chang finished swallowing his food. "I like the food here. I support this place."

Pierce smiled. "Well, six for and four against."

"I didn't say I was against Jurassic Park," Annie pointed out. "I just asked a question. We all asked questions; that doesn't automatically decide we're against the park."

"I thought I made it clear that I am I against it," Abed interjected.

Rider Black entered the room. "Pierce, the cars are ready."

Pierce clapped his hands with delight. "Fantastic." He stood up. "If you'll all follow me outside so we can begin the tour. Oh, and I'm unaware of how long the tour will actually be so there will be a tall glass of water waiting in the cupholders. And three to a car please." Pierce led them outside to where the cars were waiting.

"Uh…there are only two cars," Troy pointed out the obvious.

"Yes, I know. Six of you will be viewing the tour from the electric cars and three of you, myself included, will be monitoring things from the control room."

"Yeah, I like my first option," Jeff opened the passenger side to the second door and got in.

Troy happily hurried to the first car, Annie shrugged and followed Troy, and- wanting to be in the car with the cute brunette- Alan followed Annie completing the three to a car request for the first car. Britta sighed and walked over to the second car.

Pierce stopped the dean from getting into the second car and turned to Abed. "Why don't you join them on the tour there A-bed?"

"I'd really rather not," Abed declined.

"Sheesh A-bed, this isn't like the movie. You're going to see more on the tour than you will from inside. Besides, I might as well have my minorities and academic advisor with me for the seal of approval."

Shirley narrowed her eyes at Pierce. "Minority?"

Pierce seemed to have ignored her. "Go on A-bed." Abed sighed and reluctantly got in the backseat beside Britta. "Well, now that that's settled, the rest of you can join me in the control room," Pierce led the way inside to the control room where various staff members were discussing potential weather conditions. According to the conversation, the National Weather Service was tracking a storm seventy-five miles west of Hawthorne Isle.

"Oh my, that doesn't sound very pleasant."

"No storm has ever hit Hawthorne Isle. It's most likely gonna hit south of us like last time. Oh Starburns!"

The man in the chair with a top hat and stars for sideburns turned around. "My name is Alex."

"Starburns, you're still alive?" Pelton was referring to Starburns supposed death in a meth lab explosion. "And you're blonde?"

"First off, my name is Alex. And yes, I'm alive. I faked my death to finish pursuing a degree in engineering."

"I found him alive and well trying to sell drugs behind an alley in Mexico's Chinatown over Christmas Break," Pierce explained. "We spent some time catching up and he explained his story and I offered him an engineering job here. Starburns, could you please start the tour?"

Starburns clicked a few buttons, and the gang watched on one of the many high definition TVs as the electric cars started moving. The cars were moving down a track toward an enormous gate. When the first car reached a certain point, the doors began to open and you could hear the phrase, "Welcome to Jurassic Park," throughout the compound.

"You see, being in here is better," Pierce picked up a remote control. "Not only can we see the tour, but we can also see this," the interior of the two cars appeared on two TV sets. "If you want, you can also turn on the car's audio and listen in on their conversations."

…

Everyone was getting excited- though Jeff tried to maintain his cool composure- as the cars approached the area where the Dilophosaurus was.

"One of the earliest carnivores, we now know the Dilophosaurus was actually poisonous. Spitting its venom at its prey causing blindness, and eventually paralysis; allowing the carnivore to eat at its leisure," the tour voice narrated.

"He cheaped out with the narration too," Abed commented. "The narration is the same narration from the movie."

"Who cares," Britta was looking out the window. "Where's the dinosaur?"

"If this is exactly like the movie, we won't see it. The only one who sees the Dilophosaurus is the human villain Dennis Nedry. I'm not sure which one of us is supposed to be like him."

Jeff groaned. "For the last time Abed, this is not like the damn movie. Now shut up; the next dinosaur is the T-Rex."

They kept watching as the cars approached the T-Rex paddock, but there was no dinosaur in sight. "Keep watching," Starburns' voice was heard in both cars. "We'll try to lure it into your vision range."

"Was that Starburns? Isn't he dead?"

A cage was electronically being raised inside the paddock with a chained up goat inside. Once it was at its level, the door opened and the goat stood there for a moment not really being able to go anywhere else. "What cows aren't good enough so know you're gonna feed it goats?" Britta was not too keen on this. "These people are slaughtering innocent farm animals just to keep instinct animals alive?"

"Go eat some tofu, hippie," Jeff quipped as his eyes searched for the T-Rex to no avail. "Hey Pierce, you do plan on having dinosaurs on your dinosaur tour, right?" There was no response as the cars started moving again. Abed and Jeff stared off in boredom as Britta ranted about the mistreatment of the animals here. Rolling his eyes and glancing out the window, Jeff noticed one of the employee jeeps. "Something's up," he exited the car while it was still in motion.

"Jeff, what the hell are you doing?" Britta got out of the car and followed him. And with a reluctant sigh, Abed followed suit. Pretty soon, the passengers of the first car had left the vehicle and were following Jeff. Jeff ignored everyone as he wandered further through the miniature grassland and over to where a sick Triceratops was lying. "Oh my God," Britta hurried over to the sick dinosaur and started massaging near its snout, "what's the matter with her?"

"Honestly, we have no idea," Nurse Jackie, Greendale's former resident campus nurse was tending to the Triceratops. He knelt closer to the dinosaur. "I'm pretty sure it's a little more serious than a tummy ache."

"Nurse Jackie, what are you doing here?" Annie inquired.

"Well after I was fired for my incompetency as a nurse for humans I discovered I'm a better nurse to animals so I applied for a veterinary job and this was the only place that hired me. Anyway, her symptoms include labored breathing and disorientation just to name a few things."

"It's probably from eating a bad plant," Britta suggested. "It's really the only logical explanation."

"Is that so Dr. Spock?" Jeff sarcastically asked her.

"Shut up Jeff." Britta tried to inspect the Triceratops. "Her pupils are dilated."

"Since when are we a doctor?"

"Look, a similar thing happened to my cat Mr. Jingles after he accidentally ate my pot." The group gave her a funny look. "I accidentally mixed up his cat nip and my weed. Look, I think I know what's wrong but I'll need to look at her droppings to be sure."

"Gross."

"I'm pretty sure I know what I'm doing."

"That'll be a first." Thunder clapped in the distance startling Troy enough to cling on to Jeff. "Troy, what the Hell?" Troy let go of Jeff. "Thank you."

"Guys, we should probably get back to the cars," Annie suggested.

"You guys head back; I'll stay here with Nurse Jackie," Britta decided.

"Are you sure that's a good idea?"

"Please, I've been stuck in thunderstorms before. If things get too bad Nurse Jackie will give me a ride back. Go back to the cars, I'll be fine."

Annie, Abed, Alan, and Jeff turned to go back to the cars but Troy reluctantly stayed behind. "Britta, I'm afraid," he admitted.

"Why?"

"Abed's right, this is kinda like Jurassic Park but with us as the characters. What if the storm shuts down the power and a dinosaur attacks us and I die and never see you again."

"Troy, that won't happen."

"How can you be sure?"

"I'm sure okay," Britta walked over to him and put her hands on his shoulders. "Please trust me when I say that it won't happen."

"Okay."

Britta gave him a kiss. "Now get back to your car."

"Alright," he turned around and headed back to the car. Taking one more glance at his girlfriend, Troy saw Britta waving goodbye to him. He gave a small wave back, and got back into the tour car.

…

"I didn't expect the storm to complicate things," Chang was standing near the corner talking on his cell phone. "Maybe it'll be a good thing and zap the power or something." He watched to make sure no one was listening. "Look, I snuck on the computer and did what that hacker told me to do to shut everything down. Just ask the captain to give me at least twenty minutes before the boat leaves the dock, alright...Fine, thank you," he hung up his phone and addressed the group. "Hey, do any of you guys want something from the vending machine?"

"Actually," Pelton raised his hand, "I'm in the mood for something chocolaty that'll most likely go straight to my thighs but-"

"Yeah great, be right back," Chang left the control room and snuck into the storage room where the dinosaur embryos were being held.

"Well the tour was a bust," Pierce lamented shortly after Chang left. "Two no-shows, one sick dinosaur, and a tropical storm."

Shirley shrugged. "It could've been worse."

"Uh Pierce," Starburns gestured for Pierce to approach his computer, "the whole security system is shutting down."

Pierce scowled at Shirley. "Dammit Shirley, you just had to say that?"


	4. Abed Hates Being Right/The Chapter Where Bad Things Happen

"This little computer thing is interactive," Abed was playing with the monitor between the passenger and driver seat. "It's kinda like the one from the movie, but more technologically advanced. Check this out; you can take a quiz to see which dinosaur you're most like."

Jeff rolled his eyes. "Yeah, that's real thrilling there Abed." Jeff stared out the window and watched the rain pour down while Abed took the quiz. Without warning, there was a mechanical noise and the car stopped. "What did you do?"

Abed was staring at a blank monitor. "I didn't do anything. The car stopped." Abed let out a nervous squeal. "This is slowly becoming like the movie."

"Oh come on, not this crap again."

"I'm afraid Jeff; I'm very, very afraid."

"And I'm bored; I'm very, very bored," he tried to use an app on his phone. "Great, my phone's dead."

"You should be grateful it's your phone that's dead and not you."

"Remind me why I'm riding with you again."

…

Starburns was trying to fix the security system, but more alarms started going off. "The fences are failing all over the park."

Pierce, Shirley, and Craig didn't understand. "Say what?"

"Do you need a definition? There is virtually no protection now!" Starburns frantically began to do something on the computer.

The dean looked around. "Has Chang come back from the vending machines yet?"

"This is kinda weird," the Black Rider was observing something on another computer. "Every single fence is off except for the raptor fence."

Starburns tried some computer decoding stuff. "I can't get access to anything."

"Why the hell not?" Pierce coldly questioned.

"Because somebody hacked into our computer system and changed the password."

"Are you sure you didn't change the password while you were high?"

"I'm sure," Starburns pointed to the screen. "It says I didn't say the magic word."

Rider Black hurried over to a phone to get help. "Damn! The phone lines are dead."

Shirley put her hand to her heart in panic. "Oh my Lord this is not good."

"Quick question," Pierce lifted his finger before he completed his question, "where did the tour cars stop?"

…

Abed tapped on the door of the first car and Troy eagerly opened the door. "Abed, what are you doing?"

"I came to see how things were going over here," Abed replied. "Nothing's working for us and we can't get any signals on our cell phones."

"Us neither."

"Should we head back to the visitor center on foot?" Annie inquired.

"I'm pretty sure that would be a bad idea."

"I agree with Troy," Abed agreed with Troy. "Besides, as if by an unfortunate stroke of luck we've abruptly stopped by…"

"The T-Rex paddock," Troy joined Abed in that last part.

"We are so screwed," Troy looked Abed in the eye. "Abed, stay here with us in this car; I'd feel a lot better if you were here with me."

"I know, but it wouldn't be fair to leave Jeff alone," this was the polite way for Abed to decline Troy's offer.

Alan turned around wearing night-vision goggles. "Why bother with Winger? He's a big boy; he can take care of himself?"

"Night-vision goggles?"

"Aren't these things awesome? They're probably expensive, but they're so awesome!"

Annie looked at Abed. "You should probably stay with Jeff. He's playing it cool, but he's probably scared out of his mind."

Abed nodded in agreement. "You're probably right," Abed focused his attention to Troy. "I know you're scared, I am too."

"Abed, you're scared?"

Abed ignored Annie and continued talking to Troy. "But if this is anything like the movie, then the main characters will survive. There might be some damage, but we'll survive. Take comfort in that thought."

Troy gave Abed a quick bro hug. "I love you."

"I know," Abed pulled away and went back to the second car.

"You say goodbye to your boyfriend?" Jeff quipped.

"This really isn't the best time for your sarcasm."

"Yes, but it's required that I say at least one sarcastic quip a day or else some poor kid dies in Africa or something sad." *THUMP*. "What the hell was that?"

*THUMP*. Abed quickly searched for the night-vision goggles under the front seat. *THUMP*. He put them on and zoomed in on a specific area. "The goat's gone."

"Wait, what?" Abed pointed to the spot and Jeff squinted to get a look. "Well where the hell is it Abed?" Jeff's question was answered by three high pitched screams from the first car. A chewed up piece of the goat had hit the window of the first car. "Shit," Jeff was about to get out of the car, but Abed stopped him.

Meanwhile in the first car, the passengers were in a panic. "Guys," this was the only word Annie could get out.

*THUMP*. The water in the glass began to ripple, paralleling the famous scene from the movie. "This isn't happening, this isn't happening," Troy muttered in a high pitched voice. "Annie, please tell me there isn't a scary dinosaur outside." Annie didn't say anything. "Annie?" Troy noticed her scared face and saw what she was looking at. "There's a scary dinosaur outside." And even though the dinosaur was behind the fence, a frightened Alan took this opportunity to get out of the car while they were distracted and then run as fast as he could, leaving Troy and Annie alone. "YOU'RE JUST GONNA LEAVE US HERE?" Troy yelled out the open door to the fleeing lawyer, who had escaped to a nearby staff rest area.

"He left us," Annie quietly noted in fear. "That bastard, he left us!"

"Alan, you are not a good person!" Troy continued yelling at Alan. "I hope you get eaten while sitting on the toilet!"

Jeff and Abed watched Alan run to the bathroom. "Abed," Jeff started to say, "please tell me he didn't really run to the bathroom and leave Troy and Annie alone."

"Either Alan really had to go to the bathroom or…" *THUMP*, "…we're finally gonna see the big, bad dinosaur." The pieces of the electric fence began to snap off. "This is not good," the dinosaur roared and stomped its way into full view between the cars. "I hate being right all the time."

"We have to get out of here."

"No! We can't move; the T-Rex's vision is based on movement. We have to stay perfectly still until it's gone. Make no movement."

A light started flashing in the first car. "Yeah, tell that to your boyfriend."

In the first car, Troy had found a flashlight in an emergency kit and had turned it on. "Troy, turn that off!" Annie frantically demanded.

"I have to see if Abed's okay," he kept flashing the light toward the second car as the T-Rex turned its attention toward the first car.

"A T-Rex's vision is based on movement! It's going to see the light move back and forth!"

"Oh crap I'm doing a bad thing!"

"TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF!"

The dinosaur roared and got closer to their car. "SHUT THE DOOR! SHUT THE DOOR!" Troy was reminding her of the fact that in his quest to flee, Alan had left the door open. Trying not to be seen, Annie quickly climbed to the front and shut the door, but this made the dinosaur turned toward them. "Do we stay here or do we run? Do we stay here or do we run? WHAT DO WE DO?"

"I HAVE NO IDEA!"

Troy struggled with the flashlight's button before dropping it. "You figure out what to do, you're the smart one!"

"I don't know what to do! I haven't seen Jurassic Park!"

Troy looked at her with arched eyebrows. "You haven't seen…WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?"

The T-Rex let out an ear-piercing roar and began to move the car with its snout. Annie climbed to the back and hit the flashlight that Troy had left on. "Troy, you left the light on!"

"When I panic I sometimes click things more than once."

"TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF!"

"YOU TURN IT OFF!"

The argument was cut short by the dinosaur slamming its face through the roof of the car, and the glass roof landing on top of a screaming Troy and Annie- the flashlight turning itself off by being broken. Troy and Annie tried to use the glass as a shield, but the T-Rex just kept attacking the glass and breaking it. Still not reaching the two youngest guests, the dinosaur went back to the side of the car and began tilting it with its snout, successfully knocking it over on the second attempt.

It was only when it then started eating the car did Jeff have enough. "I'm going out there," he began to search the emergency kit in the backseat.

Abed pointed to the scene in front of them. "I don't know if you've noticed the giant dinosaur or not."

"If I don't do something Troy and Annie are gonna become dino chow," he kept looking through the kit. "All we have in here is flares?"

There was another ear shattering roar. "Hurry, the T-Rex is crushing the car."

Jeff quickly lit the flare, accidentally burning his finger in the process, and ran out of the car. "HEY!" He started to wave the flare around to get the dinosaur's attention. Once he had its attention, he threw the flare aside and watched as the T-Rex headed in that direction.

Abed got out of the car with a lit flare of his own. He used his flare to distract the dinosaur. "Jeff, get Troy and Annie and get back to the visitor's center!" Abed ran in the opposite direction toward the rest area, throwing his flare aside at one point, but the T-Rex still chased after him.

Alan sat on the toilet hoping to relieve himself as Abed came running in. Almost instantly after, the T-Rex destroyed the place. Falling debris knocked Abed to the ground and fell on top of him managing to hide him from the dino's view. However, the walls of Alan's stall were the last pieces to fall and there sat the cowardly lawyer- who had managed to relieve himself at that particular moment. "Oh shit, I know what's coming next."

The T-Rex didn't bother waiting for Alan to finish using the lavatory and ate the lawyer up in a few bites. And thus Alan Connor was the first victim of Jurassic Park.

Feet away from this scene, Jeff was trying to get Troy and Annie out from under the car. Unfortunately, Troy and Annie were both stuck. "You're gonna have to put in some effort guys!" Jeff shouted at them.

"Well excuse us for being nearly crushed and eaten!" Troy lamented.

"I'm gonna have to get you out one at a time. Annie, give me your hand." Annie blindly started reaching for Jeff's hand, which she eventually got in his grasp. Once he had her, he used all of his might to pull her out. She was struggling to catch her breath and had obviously been crying. "Annie! Annie, are you okay?" she nodded to indicate she was okay. "Alright, I'm gonna get Troy." While Jeff looked under the car, Annie looked toward the rest area. And when the T-Rex started getting closer, she couldn't help but scream. Immediately, Jeff went over to her and put one hand over her mouth and another in a less appropriate place. "I know you're freaked out, but could you refrain from screaming like that in the future!" Annie responded by biting his hand. "OW!"

"Keep your hands of the goods perv!" she demanded.

"Now is now the time to get formidable with me."

"Why?"

"Because it's really a turn on."

"Jeff!"

"Ssh," he put one hand back over her mouth and the other near her waist while holding her close as the T-Rex approached them. The dinosaur managed to get awfully close enough to breath in their faces, but because Jeff and Annie were still, they were unnoticed by the predator. Somehow, the dinosaur realized this was the car it encountered earlier and began to turn it with its nose. The car was moved with enough force to hit Jeff and Annie and they had no other alternative but to try and get on the side opposite of the dinosaur where the fence was.

"THIS IS REALLY UNCOMFORTABLE!" Troy screamed in agony from under the car. "COULD SOMEONE HELP ME PLEASE?"

Then the T-Rex tried to knock the car over again to get to Troy. Once again, the car hit Jeff and Annie and knocked them over the broken fence. When she tried to stand up, Annie nearly lost her balance and could have fallen at least fifty feet. Thankfully, Jeff was there to catch her.

"Get on my back!" Jeff ordered her as he grabbed a broken piece of the fence. Annie did as she was told and Jeff used the fence piece as a rope and climbed down the fence wall with Annie on his back. They managed to get down a view feet before the front car stood on the edge about to topple over and on top of them. This startled Annie enough to tighten her grasp around Jeff's neck. "Choking…not breathing."

"Sorry," she apologized.

He spotted another broken fence piece nearby. "Annie grab the wire!" She tried, but couldn't reach. "HURRY UP!" Jeff yelled as the majority of the car was teetering on the edge.

"GOT IT!" They scaled the fence wall and ran to the other wire as the car fell and landed in a tree. The dinosaur let out an upset roar, and Jeff and Annie stood still until they were sure the dinosaur was gone.

…

Britta and Nurse Jackie were standing hitchhiking in the pouring rain completely drenched as an employee jeep passed them. The employee in the jeep was Rider Black. "Need a ride?"

"Yes, and whoever fixed my jeep did a crap job!" Nurse Jackie said as he got in the car.

"What are you doing out here?" Britta inquired.

"The entire park is basically shut down," Rider informed them. "Pierce asked me to bring back everyone in the tour cars."

"What, they're trapped out here somewhere?"

"Basically."

"Oh my God, Troy's out there!"

"You're not that much farther from the Visitor Center. I'll drop you guys off and look for your friends."

"Thanks," Nurse Jackie thanked, "but they're not really my friends per se."

"No," Britta denied Rider, "No, my boyfriend and our friends are in danger and I'm going with you to find them. I'm not taking no for an answer."

"Fine," Rider began driving back toward the visitor center. "Hey, have you guys seen that creepy Asian guy anywhere around here?"

…

Chang had snuck away in an employee jeep with the embryos (and his man purse of money) and was looking for the East Dock to get on the boat back to Dean Spreck. But because of the rain affecting his vision- and the fact that he was in actuality a terrible driver- he was having trouble reaching his destination and kept continuously crashing the car. Despite all its hits, the car still kept on going…until it got a flat tire.

"Great!" Chang got out of the jeep and looked in the back, "and there's no spare tire. Well that's just Chang! Maybe there's a pump or something," he searched the back until he heard a shriek. Looking up, he didn't see anything. "Did I turn the radio on? Is that Bjork?" The shrieking got closer and Chang soon realized the noise was coming from a dinosaur. "Oh, it's just one of those oversized dogs," he eyed the dinosaur. "Aren't you a small fry, Small Fry? Could you go away now?" The dinosaur just made its noise at him. Chang picked up a stick on the ground. "See the stick? Go fetch!" The dinosaur watched the stick fly behind him, and looked back at Chang and tilted its head. "Small and stupid; no wonder you're extinct. I'm going to run you over when I get that car working."

Did that just insult the dinosaur? Apparently so because as Chang turned around, the small dinosaur's neck frills opened up and it angrily spat out venom at its tormenter, causing Chang to fall to the ground. When Chang turned around and looked at it, the dinosaur's venom hit him square in his squinty eyes. Chang screamed out in pain as he tried to get back into the car while simultaneously clearing the venom from his eyes. Despite bumping into the car and falling over, he managed to get inside. Unfortunately for him, the still angry dinosaur was waiting inside for him.

And thus Ben Chang became a victim of the Dilophosaurus.

…

Once Jeff and Annie had reached the bottom, he led Annie to a drainpipe. "Stay here, I'm going back for Troy."

"No!" Annie refused. "No, you're just gonna abandon me like Alan did."

"That is not what I'm gonna do."

"You promise?"

"Wait in the drainpipe while I go get Troy. I promise I'll come back for you." Jeff started to walk away.

"No kiss for luck?"

This stunned him for a second, but he turned and faced her with a smirk. "Later, okay." This comforted her enough to hide into the drainpipe with a small smile on her face as Jeff headed over to the tree. "TROY!" He called for his friend, but got no answer. "Great, I'm going to have to climb the frickin' tree. I hate heights. If I ever find the bastard who thought of climbing trees I'll kill him. If he's dead, I'll pee on his grave." he kept grumbling to himself as he climbed up the tree and to the car. "Troy!" He saw Troy crouched in the fetal position near the passenger side. "You alright?"

"I threw up," Troy calmly informed him. "I also may or may not have peed my pants."

"At least you survived. Now come on, take my hand." Troy narrowed his eyes. "This is in no way shape or form gay and I promise I won't tell anyone what you did in the car until we're off the island." Jeff turned the steering wheel (inadvertently adjusting the direction of the front right wheel) so that Troy could reach his hand without bumping his arm against it. Troy managed to get out and hold onto a branch before the car started tipping. "This is a really off day for me; this usually doesn't happen."

"Shut up and start climbing down!" Troy barked at him.

"Right," the two of them started climbing down as fast as they could as the car kept on tipping, thankfully getting caught between branches a few times. However, the weak branches couldn't hold the car long enough and the car continued to fall. Fortunately, Jeff and Troy reached the bottom before the upside down car did. "That was close."

And then the upside down car fell over Jeff and Troy. "Great, now I'm back in the car."

"Yeah well at least you're out of the tree."

"I think I may or may not have peed my pants again."


	5. And Troy's Up a Tree Again

"Troy!" Britta leapt out of the jeep while it was still in motion. "Crap in a hat there's only one car on the track. TROY!"

"OTHER PEOPLE!" The Black Rider called out, earning a confused look from Britta. "Hey, I'm not good with names Britney."

"Britta."

"See." He tossed her a flashlight and they began to search in the rainy dark.

"TROY!"

"BRITTA'S FRIENDS!"

Britta's flashlight shown on the damage rest area. "Holy spit!" She ran over to the scene and came across some gory left-behinds. "I think I'm gonna hork."

Rider Black stood a few feet away surveying the damage as well. "I think I found that bald lawyer guy over here," he flashed his light in another direction, "and here," he shown it somewhere else, "I think this might be him too." There was an agonized moan. "I really hope that's not him."

Britta flashed the light on the debris that was covering a fallen friend. "Abed!" she and Rider pulled pieces of the building off of Abed.

"He needs medical attention as soon as possible."

"Duh-doy!" Britta gently shook her friend. "Abed are you alright? Are you conscious?"

"Remind me to thank Pierce for a lovely weekend," Abed weekly quoted.

A dinosaur's roar was heard in the distance. "Should we take our chances and move him?" Rider and Abed glared at Britta like she was insane. "Excuse me for caring for my friend's well-being," she and Rider helped Abed up, but Britta somehow managed to screw up and drop Abed. "Sorry."

"Why don't I take him back to the jeep?" Rider suggested as he scooped Abed in his arms. "You look for the other car."

"It's most likely upside down on the ground in the T-Rex paddock," Abed told them.

Britta nodded and went to the broken part of the fence. Shining her light on the ground, she was a bit surprised to see Abed's hypothesis was accurate. "Abed's right, the other car's down there!"

"Yeah, but our friends aren't."

"I see their footprints though!"

*THUMP* "Yeah but do you hear those footprints?" Rider didn't have time to realize that question was worded incorrectly. "Come on, let's go!" Britta ran back to the jeep. "We gotta get out of here before…" then came the roar and the appearance of the T-Rex behind them, "…before that happens."

"DRIVE! DRIVE! DRIVE!" Rider started the jeep and began to drive away. "Floor it!" He pressed his foot on the accelerator and took a quick glance in the rearview mirror. He really hoped that 'Objects in Mirror are Closer than They Appear' didn't apply for the terrifying dinosaur trying to attack them. "Faster!"

"You wanna drive instead Blondie?"

"Watch out for the tree," Abed calmly pointed out.

"Shit!" The Black Rider managed to swerve to avoid it. The T-Rex didn't, but that really didn't matter because the instant the dinosaur hit the tree, the tree broke. When the swerving maneuver occurred, Abed had accidentally been forced forward and hit the gear shift so that in went in reverse. "What the hell A-bed?"

"SHIT! SHIT! SHIT!" Britta cried out as the dinosaur hit her side of the jeep with its snout.

Rider pushed Abed back in the back and put the gear shift in drive, putting them a few feet ahead of the dinosaur. "It's still pretty damn close!"

"We have to go faster than thirty-two miles an hour," Abed instructed them.

"While driving on a muddy terrain?"

"A T-Rex can only run thirty-two miles per hour. We have to get our speed a little more than that. Can you do it?"

"Fasten your seatbelts, it's gonna be a bumpy ride."

"We don't have seatbelts."

"Then hang on to something." Rider switched into second position and the jeep started to pick up enough to speed to get away. "YEE-HAW!"

Abed looked back at the dinosaur and tilted his head. "Actually, this would kinda be cool to have on the tour. You know, if it wasn't actually going to hurt us."

…

"I'm tired," Troy whined as lagged behind Jeff and Annie. "We've been walking forever."

"Man up Troy," Jeff sarcastically ordered.

"Jeff," Annie stopped to catch her breath, "we have been walking a really long time. I'm tired too."

"Oh come on, not you too"

"It's late, we're tired, and Troy and I are seriously bruised from our T-Rex attack."

"Yeah, we need to heal," Troy added. "Show some sympathy."

"Two against one Winger; majority rules."

Jeff groaned. "Fine," he searched their surroundings. "We sleep in the tree." Troy moaned in annoyed agony. "Suck it up. I'm not sleeping on the ground where it's wet, muddy, and where we can easily be crushed by a giant dinosaur foot. My hair is still in decent condition and I'm taking no chances."

"Fine," Troy started climbing the tree.

Annie followed him, but lost her footing. Again, Jeff was there to help her. "Sorry," she apologized. "My ankle's kind of out of whack."

"Understandable," Jeff helped her up the tree. "It looks pretty swollen."

"Check it out!" Troy called to them before they were even done. "From here you can see the first dinosaurs we saw when we got here!"

"The Brachiosaurses?" Annie asked as she completed her climb. "Yep."

"Those dinos are freakishly tall," Jeff commented.

The three of them gazed at them and listened to the noises they were making. "It sounds like they're singing," Troy broke the human silence. "Sounds kinda familiar too."

"Yeah, but I don't think they know they're plagiarizing a potential song."

"What song?"

"Do I care?"

There was some more silence as they listened to the dinosaurs. Only this time, it was broken by Annie. "Why are there so many songs about rainbows?"

"Annie what are you doing?"

"And what's on the other side?"

"I'm pretty sure they're not singing a song by a talking frog puppet."

"Rainbows are visions, but only illusions…"

"…and rainbows have nothing to hide," Troy joined Annie turning the song into a duet. By this point, this was attracting the attention of the giant dinosaurs.

Jeff was embarrassed by this. "Cut it out guys, they're looking at us."

"So we've been told and some choose to believe it,"

"Wait, are they moving closer?"

"I know they're wrong, wait and see."

"Holy crap they are."

"Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection."

"They actually like the singing."

"The lovers, the dreamers, and me."

Jeff sighed and sang solo. "All of us under its spell, we know that it's probably magic."

"You skipped the second part," Annie pointed out.

"Who cares? The song's probably copyrighted anyway."

"Jeff's right," Troy noticed the dinosaurs. "I think they like our singing."

"Yeah but they started getting closer when both of you started to sing together."

"So maybe they'd get even more closer if you sang with us too."

"No."

"Come on, I really wanna touch a dinosaur without it attacking me! Please Jeff."

Jeff let out an annoyed grunt. "Fine, but just the one last part."

"Fair enough."

"And this is a onetime thing."

"Understood."

"Don't make me regret this." Troy and Annie exchanged sneaky smiles with each other before the three of them chorused in unison.

"Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection," this actually did get some of them closer, "the lovers, the dreamers, and me."

"Holy crap that actually worked."

Troy excitedly began to pet the snout of a Brachiosaurus. "This is so frickin' awesome. It's frawesome."

"Please don't coin new terms."

Annie moved closer to pet one. "This feels so cool. Jeff, you should try this."

"I'd really rather not."

Troy shrugged. "Your loss."

"Ugh, fine," he went to pet a Brachiosaurus. It seemed to go fine, but somewhere mid pet the dinosaur sneezed on Jeff. "Disgusting," Troy and Annie just laughed as he backed away. "I'm so glad I did this; now I can say I'm one of a few people who have ever been covered in dino snot."

Annie picked up a branch of leaves and fed it to the dinosaur she was petting. "Atta girl."

Troy did the same with a branch of leaves by him. "These dinosaurs must be vegetarians like Britta."

"They're called herbivores."

"Like it matters," there was some silence before Troy asked, "Hey Annie, do you think Britta's okay?"

Annie shot a comforting smile at Troy. "I do Troy; I think she's just fine."

"Hey I thought you guys said you were tired," Jeff reminded.

"Yeah, but we were mostly tired of walking," Troy said to him.

"I am tired," Annie informed the men.

"Then why did you sing?" Jeff inquired.

"Because sometimes that song would put me to sleep," Annie gave the dinosaur one final pat before heading toward Jeff. "I also sing that song when I'm lonely, or bored, or afraid."

Troy soon joined them. "I thought that's what you were humming while we were under the car."

"I know it might seem stupid, but that's what I do."

"No way," Troy assured her. "Abed and I sing music from movies or TV theme songs. By music we mean songs and score. It's nice to know we're not the only ones sing."

Jeff scoffed. "You guys are weird." Annie and Troy curled up close to him. "Okay, Troy when you do this, it's creepy."

"Abed doesn't think it's creepy when I do it with him."

"We're going to have a have a conversation about that later."

"Whatever," Troy yawned and closed his eyes.

Jeff looked down at Annie. "You don't mind curling up to me even though I'm covered with dino snot?" Annie made a muffled sound as she shook her head no. "Who am I gonna curl up to?"

"You're gonna watch for dinosaurs," she tiredly told him.

"Am I?" When he got no response, he looked back down and realized she was asleep. For some reason, he planted a kiss on her crown and brushed the hair out of her eyes. Glancing over at Troy, he just patted Troy's head (and tried not to wonder what Troy and Abed do at bedtime). "Well," he looked out into the distance and noticed the Brachiosaurses were gone, "no dinosaurs."

And with that, he closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep. It had been a long day for all of them.

…

Britta made her way into the cafeteria of the visitor center where Pierce, Shirley, and the dean were sitting eating. "Ice cream for dinner?"

This made Pierce chuckle. "It's really more of a midnight snack. Care to join us?"

"Sure," Britta sat down at the table beside Pierce and Craig and across from Shirley. "Abed's gonna be okay if anyone's interested."

"That's nice," Shirley commented before eating another spoonful of vanilla ice cream.

"And we can hold on to the little glimmer of hope that handsome, rugged Jeff will help get everyone else through the jungle of dinosaurs," Pelton tried to assure. "He often gets everyone through in real life and mostly in my dreams." The other three gave him weird looks. Dean Pelton cleared his throat and acted as though he didn't say the last part. "Pass the chocolate syrup please."

"So Alan's dead?" Pierce point blankly asked.

"Yeah," Britta answered back. "Yeah Rider and I saw various parts of Alan scattered in the destroyed bathroom and Abed was there when it happened."

"What about Annie, Troy, or Jeff?"

"I saw footprints in the T-Rex paddock. I know at least one of them is alive."

"But the question is who?"

"Yeah, and how?" Dean interjected.

Shirley anxiously helped herself to more ice cream. "I don't want to die; I have too much to live for."

"Guess what Shirley: none of us want to die!" Britta was basically going to rant. "Nobody was supposed to die. But no, Pierce had to make this exactly like the movie."

"It wasn't supposed to be like this!" Pierce defended himself. "Yes, I took a lot of stuff from the movie, but I was hoping everything would go the way it should have gone before the attacks happened and I could make a place you guys would love."

"What?"

"People love the movie for some unknown reason. People love dinosaurs, people love theme parks, I love money. I thought I could combine all of those together to make us all happy and give us something to do during breaks or vacations so that none of us would have to be alone! I had nothing but good intentions in mind."

Shirley rubbed Pierce's hand consolingly. "We know Pierce. But you know what they say: 'The road to Hell is paved with good intentions'."

"I'm really sorry," Pierce sincerely apologized. "I'll make this up to you all somehow."

"Yeah, if we survive this," Britta grumbled. "Pass the vanilla please."


	6. Shocking, Isn't It?

"You know," Troy was trying to make conversation as he, Jeff, and Annie continued their journey the next morning, "it's kinda nice to be outdoors and not inside all the time."

"Agree to disagree," Annie bemoaned as she scraped dino droppings off her shoe.

"I don't know about you guys, but I'm hungry."

"How 'bout some eggs?" Jeff pointed to where a small nest of eggs were sitting.

"Alright!"

"No, not alright!" Annie was worried.

"What you're a vegetarian now too?"

"Annie relax," Jeff picked up an egg, "we'll only take two and get out of here before the Mommysaurus comes back."

"Guys, where did those eggs even come from?" Annie then pointed something out. "Abed said that all dinosaurs here were females and there was no unauthorized breeding."

"So there are lesbian dinosaurs here somewhere?" Troy's remark earned a small laugh from Jeff. "What's your point?"

"My point is; how did they reproduce?"

Jeff raised an eyebrow to her. "Have you even seen the movie?"

"No."

"Really?"

"I know right," Troy interjected.

"Wow Annie, what planet are you from?"

Annie folded her arms at them. "Your point Jeff?"

"The movie explains the holes in the dinosaur coding had to be filled with frog DNA. They said in the movie that there was a frog from…somewhere south that could…do something that involved making babies without having sex. Yeah, I didn't really pay attention to the boring, sciency stuff."

"I don't think anyone did," Troy nonchalantly agreed.

Annie remembered something. "That's right. Some West African frogs can change sex in a single sex environment. We learned this in biology."

"We did?" Neither of the guys remembered this.

…

"Are you sure shutting down the entire system is our only option Starburns?" Pierce asked as he paced around the control room.

"My name is Alex," Starburns reminded, "and yeah, basically. It's the only way to wipe out everything the hacker did. All the systems will then come back on their original startup mode."

"Have you ever had to shut down the entire system before?" Shirley asked.

"Well technically…no. We've never done that before."

"Then how can you be sure anything is gonna come back at all?" Britta inquired.

"We can't."

"How about considering the lysine contingency?" the Black Rider made a dramatic entrance. "Though I'm sure none of you know what that is."

Shirley raised her hand. "Isn't lysine an amino acid?"

"Wow, you actually learned something at Greendale, I'm impressed." This made Shirley smile proudly. "The lysine contingency is intended to prevent the spread of the animals in case they ever get off the island. The animals can't make lysine without our help or else they slip into a coma and die."

"If shutting down the system is our only option, then I suggest we do that," Pierce pointed at Starburns. "Go shut down the system Starburns."

"Alex!" Starburns protested. "My name is Alex!" Starburns mumbled to himself in anger as he went to shut down the system. The group watched as he flipped three switches in a row before flipping down the main switch. After that all the electronics and lights in the building were off- though Rider was smart enough to have a flashlight ready. One of the computer screens flashed and started beeping as two words appeared on the bottom left corner. "Looks like the system's back on and ready. It worked!"

Abed, who was lying on the stairs, wasn't convinced. "If everything worked then the lights should be back on."

"We'll have to manually turn on the circuit breakers and then we'll be able to reboot everything and get the phones working."

"And where are the circuit breakers exactly?" Pelton questioned.

"In the maintenance shed."

"And where's the maintenance shed?" Shirley continued.

"At the other end of the compound," Starburns sighed. "If I hurry I'll be able to get the power back on in three minutes," he started to leave.

Dean Pelton waved goodbye. "Good luck Starburns!"

"My name is Alex."

Pierce scoffed. "Like it matters," he addressed the group. "Come on, we're gonna wait in the emergency bunker."

...

"Walking is soooooo boring!" Troy cried out.

"Now I know why man invented the wheel," Jeff led the way as they walked over another hill. "But why the hell do hills exist?"

"We shouldn't be that much farther from the Visitor Center," Annie told them as she caught her breath. "Should be about another mile." The boys groaned as they started walking.

"Guys, guys hold on," Jeff stopped them and cocked his head. "Do you hear that?"

Annie (and Troy) listened for what Jeff heard. "Yeah, I hear it too."

"It sounds like…running," Troy deduced.

"Look!" Annie pointed to what the cause was. "It's a herd of Gallimimus."

"Yeah, and I don't know if you've noticed," Jeff started to back away, "but they're herding this way," he turned around and started to run as the dinosaurs got closer. Troy and Annie did the same, him helping her up and running after she stumbled. "OVER HERE!" Jeff gestured to a broken tree in the middle of the plains and he and the others crouched down behind it. Once the Gallimimuses had ran past them, the trio turned back around in the direction they were traveling in. But when they heard a giant *CRUNCH* in addition to giant footsteps, they had to crouch behind the other side of the tree as the T-Rex came into the open and began to eat some Gallimimus.

"Can we go now?" Troy quietly questioned.

"Yeah, but keep low," Jeff instructed.

"Really? I thought I'd walk on stilts."

"And leave the sarcasm to me."

…

"Something's wrong," Britta was frantically pacing. "It's been over three minutes."

"It's been five minutes," Pierce pointed out.

"She's impatient," the dean commented.

"Damn right I am," Britta agreed. "I can't wait no more; I'm going to turn the power on myself."

"And I'm going with you," Rider Black got a key out of his pocket and walked over to a locked cabinet.

"Are we not going to point out Britta's double negative?" Craig asked. "No? Just me? Britta, you used a double negative."

"Can it Craig!" Britta barked at him and followed Rider to the cabinet.

The Black Rider unlocked the lock (and broke the chains around the lock as well) and opened a cabinet of large hunting rifles and supplies of tranquilizers. He took out one gun and loaded it, and then did the same. "Shirley," he handed Shirley the first gun, "use this for protection."

"Me?" Shirley looked at him apprehensively. "Uhm-uhm, why me?"

"Out of everyone here, you're the one I'd want on my side with a gun in case of danger. You can't trust the pussies here…well, maybe the Middle Eastern kid over there but he's wounded. There's an untapped rage you have that you can use against your enemies."

"And my enemies are the dinosaurs?"

"Exactly," Rider grabbed another round of tranquilizers.

"Pierce," Abed was sitting on a table essentially useless, "you need the blueprints on the shelf behind you. If this is anything like the movie, turning the circuit breakers on won't be as easy as you think Britta."

"Then we'll probably need these too," she spotted a selection of Walkie-Talkies and handed one to Abed. "You guys guide me through what to do."

"Blondie," Rider Black tossed her a utility belt, "put that on and let's go."

Britta nodded, put the belt around her waist, put some necessary items in the belt, waved goodbye to her friends, and followed the Black Rider out. He led the way, ready to shoot, while she walked close behind him. "Hey, aren't we by the raptor fence?"

Rider observed the surroundings. "Yeah," he also observed the snapped fence and tracks in the dirt. "Let's go, and keep close," they kept walking into a denser part of the jungle.

"I can see the shed from here!" Britta proclaimed. Rider didn't say anything; he stared straight ahead with his gun erect. "We're gonna make it!"

"No we're not."

"What? Why not?"

"Because we're being hunted."

"Are you for real?"

"Run."

"Black Rider-"

"Don't argue, just run. Go! Now!"

Britta turned around and ran toward the maintenance shed as fast as she could. Once inside the shed, she took a minute to breathe before turning on her Walkie. "Pierce, I'm in," she reached for a flashlight, "now what?"

"Now you turn on the circuit breakers," Pierce rudely instructed before adding, "bimbo."

"How do I get to the circuit breakers, bimbo?"

"Well if you're going to be like that I'm not going to help you."

"Pierce!"

There was a small struggle heard on the other end before Abed's voice was heard through the Walkie. "Britta, I'm gonna help you."

"You know what, that's actually a better idea. Thank you, Abed."

…

"Oh no," Troy was the first to see what came next. "It's the electric fence."

"The electric fence?" Annie didn't get the movie reference. "Is it off?"

"One way to find out," Jeff cautiously stepped forward, and slowly put his hand on a wire. The result was him shaking violently and screaming, and then Troy and Annie screaming as they watched this. But then Jeff stopped screaming, and started laughing. He turned around and smirked at his gullible friends. "Relax, the power's out."

Annie hit him. "That wasn't funny Jeff."

Jeff tried to snap the wires. "I can't break the wires. You think we can go around until we find a hole in the fence?"

There was a shrieking roar in the distance. "I think that's a no."

Troy was freaking out. "I don't wanna climb the fence! Do you know what's gonna happen! You can't make me climb the fence!"

"Is Troy implying something?"

"YOU CAN'T MAKE ME CLIMB THE FENCE!" Jeff took charge and slapped Troy. "OW!"

"Calm down," Jeff ordered. "Not everything that's happened in this movie happened."

"No, just the major stuff and the fence scene was a major stuff!"

"And it only happened because he was slow. We're just going to have to avoid being slow and climb that fence as fast as we can."

"Fine, but I'm goin' up first," Troy hurried up the fence and started climbing as fast as he could.

"Annie, you next," Jeff helped her onto the fence and once she was climbing, he began climbing as well.

…

"Okay, I found it," Britta opened the circuit breaker box. "Now where's the switch?"

"You can't throw the main switch by hand," Abed informed her. "You gotta pump up the primer handle in order to get the charge. And pray to God that the others aren't climbing the fence right now."

"I didn't hear that last part Abed, what did you say?"

"The primer handle is large, flat, and gray. Do you see it?"

"Yeah," Britta pumped four times before it was charge. "Okay, it's charged, now what?"

"Under the words Contact Position there's a round, green button that says 'Push to Close'. Do you see it?"

"I see it."

"Push it." Britta did as she was told, and backed away startled as things started to light up. "The red buttons turn on the individual starter systems; switch them on."

"Understood," Britta began switching them one by one.

…

Having made it over the top, the three climbers were near the middle when there was a sudden, beeping noise made them lose their footing.

"Fuckin' shit," Jeff muttered under his breath. "Guys, we gotta move now!"

"YA THINK?" Troy yelled as he furiously began climbing down.

"What's going on? What was that noise?" Annie called to them as she climbed down.

"That's the warning signal," Jeff explained. "They're about to turn on the electric fence."

"WHAT?" When Annie tried to look down at Jeff, she missed a step and her injured foot became trapped in the wires. "Oh fuck!"

"Screw this," Jeff jumped off the fence and landed on his back on the ground. 

Troy did the same, but landed on his side. "That could have been more comfortable."

"Wait, why were there only two thuds?" Jeff and Troy looked up to see Annie near the middle of the fence trying to get her foot loose. "Annie!"

"Guys, I'm stuck!" She yelled down to them.

"ANNIE JUMP!"

"What are you crazy? My ankle's already damaged enough!"

"So what?" Troy screamed back at her. "Just jump!"

"But I'm still pretty high up!"

"JUMP BITCH JUMP!"

"Rude!"

Jeff ran back to the fence and with a shrug Troy reluctantly followed. "We're right behind you Annie," Jeff assured her. "Now jump!"

Annie gulped as she looked down. "Okay. One," Annie removed one hand from the wire. "Two," but before she could remove the second, the fence was back on and she started to fall backwards- having been shocked with 10,000 volts of electricity.

"ANNIE!" Jeff caught her before she hit the ground and kept her elevated, but she was pretty much lifeless.

"Oh my God my brain is crying!" Troy began to run around in circles. "Is she breathing?"

"No!"

…

Britta did a little victory dance as the lights started turning back on. "Oh yeah, we're back in business. When I say 'lights' you say 'on'. Lights…"

To be fair, the raptor's sudden, unexpected roar sounded pretty close to the word 'on'.


	7. Raptor Rampage

Despite her screaming and trying to escape, Britta couldn't help but wonder if that raptor had been there the whole time that she had. It could have attacked her at given moment but instead it attacked after she got everything up and running.

How odd.

But she didn't have time to think about that now as she tried to get away from the carnivore. She managed to close the grated door, but the raptor flying into it caused her to back away into the wall. After she did that, she felt an arm on her shoulder. "Starburns, what the hell are you…" Britta turned around and screamed in terror when she realized she was talking to a disembodied arm. While trying to get the arm off of her, she had inadvertently backed against the door and was scratched in the back of the head by a raptor claw.

Oh yeah, it hurt, but the pain would have to wait. Britta had to get the hell out of there now. That still didn't mean she couldn't cry the entire way back. Britta kept glancing back as she ran, and one time that she did this she didn't see what was in front of her and had tripped…

…over the Black Rider's half-eaten carcass.

…

Troy was of absolutely no help anymore. It was Jeff who had attempted to revive Annie as Troy cried in circles like a little girl repeatedly saying his brain was crying. And that had happened for nearly ten minutes. Thankfully, Annie regained consciousness, but she was still pretty weak. Naturally, Jeff carried her back to the visitor center while a now relieved Troy followed close behind.

"HELLO!" Jeff yelled out when they got to the visitor center. "ANYONE HERE?" The three of them looked around the room at nothing but dinosaur models (thankfully made of bones). "Well this is peachy."

"Where do you think they are?" Troy inquired as the entered the cafeteria.

"No clue, but I'm gonna have to go find them," he gently sat Annie on a table. "You guys are virtually useless so I need the two of you to stay here where it's safe."

"Did you just insult me?"

Jeff smirked as he looked at Annie and tried to flatten her hair. "This isn't a good look for you, your hair stickin' up like that." She gave him a weak smile back. "Here," he reached into his pocket and handed her a comb. "Never leave home without it."

Annie gingerly took the comb. "You're giving me your comb."

"I'm lending you my comb, big difference. I want you to look nice when we get rescued, okay." She just smiled back at him. "Keep an eye on her Troy."

"Yeah, and who's gonna keep an eye on me?" Troy questioned back.

"Shut up, nerd," Jeff left the visitor center.

Annie looked at her former crush. "Troy, do you think you can help me comb my hair?"

"Sure," Troy went over to her, took the comb, and started to comb her hair. He started to comb a knot, and she flinched a little. "Sorry."

"It's okay."

"Let me know if I'm hurting you or anything."

"You're fine, trust me."

"Yeah, I don't think anything can hurt you more than 10,000 volts of electricity pulsing through the body. Damn girl, how did you survive that?" Annie laughed at him. "And listen I'm sorry for what I said to you."

"Jump bitch jump?"

"Yeah, I'm really, really sorry. I was panicking and I didn't want you to get hurt. I've seen the movie; that was supposed to happen to the little boy."

"Sheesh, if we're living out this movie there's basically no need for me to see it."

"Um, yes there is. You can see it for comparison purposes and to see what was going on in everyone else's adventures. Just picture us as the characters instead."

"So what happens next? I mean, we're at the visitor center, is everything over?"

"Well there was a pointless five second scene where the hero and his girlfriend are reunited."

"So Jeff is reuniting with your girlfriend? Nice. What happened after?"

"The kids were eating a bunch of sweets and then got attack by the raptors." Troy realized what he said and stopped what he was doing. "We're gonna get attacked by the raptors."

Both his and Annie's eyes widened in fear when they saw a moving dinosaur shadow outside the cafeteria, quickly followed by a raptor roar. "We do survive right?"

"My brain is crying too hard for me to remember what happens."

Annie noticed the kitchen door. "Come on, we'll hide in the kitchen," she and Troy ran into the kitchen, turned off the lights, and hid.

When they took a breather and had calmed down a little, Troy remembered something. "Did you lock the door?"

"What?"

"In the movie, the raptors were smart enough to figure out how to open doors." They watched in horror as the handle on the door began to turn down, and the door slowly open.

The two of them quickly turned away from the dinosaur in the doorway. "Holy crap it is a Velociraptor." The dinosaur let out an unearthly yowl. "Oh no."

"It's calling for its buddy isn't it?"

Another raptor walked up behind the first one. "Uh-huh."

The two carnivores started walking toward them. "Come on," Troy's voice was barely above a whisper. "We gotta move, but keep low," they started to crawl away.

Still the raptors knew their prey was close. While searching, they started their path of destruction by knocking over a stack of pots and pans that landed on Troy and Annie. In fear, Annie and Troy started crawling away faster before the dinosaurs saw them.

Annie noticed the open freezer door nearby. "I've got a plan," Annie picked up a metal spoon and threw it at one of the raptors.

"What are you doing?"

"Run to the freezer, they're bound to follow you."

"Yeah, and eat me."

"Not if you lock them in there."

"Annie-"

"Troy, I can't run to the freezer, it's up to you. I know you can do this." The raptor was getting closer to them. "Go!"

Troy stood up and got the raptor's attention by shouting, "Hey Ugly!" before taking off running toward the freezer. The giant lizard growled and chased after the former football player.

Annie watched this event, but noticed that only one raptor was chasing him. "Where's the other one?" Her question was answered when the other raptor jumped on the shelf behind her. Crawling as fast as she could, Annie squeezed herself into the metal dishwasher, but the raptor followed her. However while trying to attack, the raptor rammed its head on the shiny, metal shelf that had casted Annie's scared reflection as she cowered in the dishwasher. Taking no chances, Annie got out of the dishwasher as Troy locked the other raptor in the freezer and they ran back to the cafeteria.

Just as Jeff and Britta were running back in. "BRITTA!" Troy immediately ran into his sobbing girlfriend's arms relieved that she was okay.

Annie ran behind Jeff- the most likely reason because Jeff had a gun. "Both the raptors are in there."

Britta was the first to pull out of her embrace with Troy. "We need to get to the control room and reboot the system," she led the way to the Control Room.

"Can we call for help?"

"Not until everything's rebooted," Britta turned on the main computer.

Jeff tried to lock the door, but he wasn't sure how. "Do these doors lock electronically? Who the hell thought of that?" His focus to lock the door soon became distracted by the growl of a raptor standing directly outside the door trying to get it open. "Dammit!" Jeff had no other alternative but to hold the door.

"Crap in a hat!" Britta ran to the door and helped Jeff hold it.

"Why aren't you rebooting the systems?"

"I don't know how to!"

"Well that's just great."

"So who's going to reboot the system?" Annie questioned.

"Check it out!" Troy was sitting at the computer. "They've got that game I play on my phone on the computer," he clicked a few things as if he was playing. "I forget what it's called but you can win some real life prizes," he did a few more things before there was a beep. "Hey I think I won!" Troy read the screen. "I won a reboot? What is that a boot from Reebok?"

"Oh my God Troy you just rebooted the entire system on your own."

"So…I did a good thing?"

Jeff and Britta managed to get the door shut, and activated the electronic locks. Jeff huffed out a surprised laugh. "Unbelievable."

"Troy, that's amazing!" Britta complimented as she gave him a kiss. "I'm so proud of you."

Troy blushed and played it cool. "Aw, it was nothin'."

…

"We haven't heard from Britta or the Black Rider in a while," Shirley pointed out. "Do you think they're alright?"

"Well, at least they got the lights back on," Dean Pelton noted.

"It doesn't matter," Abed told him. "What matters is that they reboot the system so we can get the phones working and call for help."

The ringing of the phone startled everyone. "Now who could be calling at a time like this?" Pierce went over to the phone. "Hello?"

"Pierce," Jeff was on the other end, "you're not gonna believe what the Hell just happened."

"Ah Jeffrey, so nice to know you're alive. Are the phones working?"

"Did you really just ask me that question? Yes, the phones are working you idiot!"

"Wonderful. Now while I am relieved you're alive I have to know about the others. Are Annie and Troy alive? Or at least Annie, is she alive? She is my favorite you know."

"I'm here with Annie, Troy, and Britta in the Control Room of the Visitor Center. Call for help and-" Jeff was interrupted by glass shattering.

"Jeffrey? Winger, what the Hell is going on?"

"IT'S COMING THROUGH THE GLASS!" Britta could be heard screaming on the other end. Sounds of gunshots were then heard in addition to frightened girly screams from three group members.

"Jeff!"

The gunfire ceased and then Jeff gruffly said into the receiver, "I'll have to call you back."

"Jeff, wait!" Too late, Jeff hung up the phone.


	8. The (Could Be Greater) Esacpe

"WHAT DO WE DO NOW?" Britta screamed.

"What...why are you relying on me?" Jeff questioned back.

"Don't argue back, just think of something!" Troy cried at him.

Jeff looked around the room and spotted a ladder of all things. "A ladder? Why the hell is there…" he noticed an air vent wasn't properly in place. "We get out of here through the vents," Jeff dropped the gun and brought the ladder over to the previously opened vent and reopened it. "We get out through the vents. Hurry up."

Troy pushed past the girls and hurried on the ladder in fear. "Seriously Troy?" Britta folded her arms. "Rude."

"Britta!" Annie hit Britta's shoulder and pointed to the ladder.

"It was still rude!"

"Just climb the fucking ladder!"

"Alright, alright, sheesh," Britta headed up the ladder next with Annie quickly behind. As the last one up there, Annie kicked the ladder down with her (slightly) good foot just as the raptor completely broke through the glass and entered the control room.

The four of them crawled through the vents thinking they were safe until the raptor used his head to break open the floorboard that Britta was crawling on. Being a good boyfriend, Troy was the one to the rescue. He kicked the raptor in its face a couple of times trying to get it to go back down. But before going down, the raptor bit down on Troy's pant leg- nearly missing his ankle- and started to pull him down. Britta returned the favor by helping Troy up as he dangled from the loose floorboard- and Annie helped Britta pull Troy up after Britta nearly let go of him.

"Check it out," Jeff gestured them over to a vent he had just opened once they were all safely back up; "it's the Visitor Center entrance."

"Yeah but how do we exit?" Troy pointed out.

"We climb down the dinosaur models."

"What? Seriously?"

"You wanted to ride a dinosaur; this is probably the closest you're going to get to doing that. They're hanging up by really strong wires, I think we're good. Quit arguing and let's go."

No sooner had they gotten on the dinosaurs did something catch Troy's eye. "R-r-r-r-r-r-r-r,"

"What is it now Scooby-Doo?"

"R-r-r-r-r-RAPTOR!"

The Velociraptor leapt onto the dinosaur models, breaking the models apart and snapping most of the wires and causing the models to spin with the people still holding on. "Jeff, they're gonna break!" Annie yelled.

Jeff noticed the wall above them was about to crumble. "Let go!"

"Are you out of your mind?" Britta shouted at him.

"Most likely! Let go!" Jeff was the first to let go of the dinosaur bones and he landed on his back on the cold, hard floor. Britta tried to get down carefully, but the raptor was making its way over to her so she had no other alternative but to let go. Annie and Troy landed on the ground at about the same time, him on his stomach and her on her side. Both of them also had to roll out of the way as falling bones nearly fell atop them. Jeff and Britta managed to dodge falling pieces as well.

And while dodging a piece of dinosaur rib, Britta looked up and noticed the silhouette of the second raptor approaching them. Her scream was just as loud as Annie's and for the same reason.

"The one time Annie doesn't get her gun, right?" Jeff managed to quip as the four of them backed away in fear together.

"I don't get that reference!" Troy sobbed in agony. "Could you please tell me what that means before we die?"

"Shut up, nerd." The raptors let out incredibly loud roars and moved closer to their prey.

"Britta, I just want you to know that I love you second."

"I love you t-" Britta realized what Troy had said. "Wait, second?"

"A really, really, close second."

Britta gave him what was sure to be their final kiss, "I'll take it for the win," she placed his hand in his. "I love you Troy."

Jeff turned around to look at a terrified Annie. She looked at him and time seemed to slow down as he flashed her a reassuring smile and offered her his hand, which she accepted. She wasn't exactly sure what he mouthed to her, but it was enough for her to smile and grip his hand tighter as death slowly took its time.

The raptors inched even closer ready to attack our pretty much defenseless heroes. Becoming Raptor Snacks was pretty much imminent…

…or at least it would have been if the T-Rex hadn't burst through the wall and attacked the raptors.

"Oh my God, we were saved by the T-Rex!" Annie proudly proclaimed as the carnivore viciously devoured either Cagney or Lacey.

"Um yeah, because the T-Rex is awesome!" Jeff remarked.

"Let's go while it's distracted," Britta headed for the exit, and the other three followed close behind.

"Ooh yay, you're all alive!" Shirley clapped with delight as the others came running to the jeep. "This is nice."

Jeff waited until the other three were in the car before turning his attention to Pierce. "We are never letting you pick a group vacation spot ever again!"

"Understood," Pierce made sure Jeff got into the car before driving off.

"Oh Jeffrey!" Pelton clung on to Jeff as Jeff got into the jeep. "I was so worried I was going to be a widow."

Jeff raised a confused eyebrow to him. "What?"

"And why were you holding Annie's hand as you were running for your life?"

"Again, what?"

"Just an observation."

"I knew you'd survive this," Abed couldn't really do much so he and Troy did their handshake. "Though I'm still uncertain how you managed to survive the fence."

"I climbed over it," Troy casually answered.

"So no one got shocked by the electric fence?"

Annie looked at Abed. "I wouldn't exactly say that."

Britta realized when that happened. "That probably happened when I turned the fences on. Oh my God Annie, I almost killed you. I am so sorry."

"I forgive you."

"I'll make it up to you somehow."

"Please don't."

"Guys," Troy pointed behind them, "why is that raptor chasing us?"

Everyone who wasn't Pierce turned around to see a Velociraptor chasing after them. "That one must have snuck away from the T-Rex," Annie deduced.

"Yeah well, how are we going to sneak away from it?"

Shirley picked up the gun the Black Rider gave her from the floor and started shooting at the beast. "Eat tranquilizer you freaky lizard monster!" She kept shooting at it, until it fell onto the ground. "HA HA take that you son of a bitch! Hope you enjoy dinosaur Hell!" she let out a more deranged laugh before he sweet innocent laugh came back. "Well, that was fun." The others just gave her strange looks. "Oh, don't act so surprised it's not like I haven't lost my temper with a gun before."

Pierce pulled the car up beside the helicopter and the eight survivors hurried inside the private plane (not caring about who they ended up sitting beside). Once the door closed, the plane took off.

Troy watched from his window seat as the plane rose in the air. "Check it out," he pointed to what he saw, "the T-Rex is eating the raptor Shirley tranquilized." He sat back in his seat. "Well that's one movie I actually lived even though I didn't want to."

"Oh Britta," Shirley noticed the dried up blood on the back of Britta's head. "It looks like you got a pretty nasty cut on the back of your head."

"Yeah," Britta felt for the cut. "I got it from the raptor claw after I got the power back. I think this is the only really serious injury I got."

"I don't think I suffered anything too serious," Jeff rubbed his lower back, "but I don't know how much more my back could take."

"You want me to uh…" the dean's hand started inching closer to Jeff's back, "…rub that for you?"

"No."

"You look very rugged by the way."

"Yeah, I need a shower. Annie, did my comb survive?" Annie darted her eyes around the room. "See! This is why I never let people borrow my things!"

"Oh relax," Dean Pelton pulled a comb out of his pocket, "I purchased a comb similar to yours in case of this exact thing happening."

"How did you know what my comb looked like to begin with? Did you drill a hole in your wall so you can see into my bathroom?"

Pelton clapped his hands together. "Well, what other fun, safe adventures do we have planned for next time?"

"Dean," Annie noticed that he was clean. "Did you get hurt at all?"

Craig shook his head. "Nope."

"Did you contribute anything to this adventure?"

"Honestly, no. It's like a reason was created for me to go. I truly had no purpose coming along."

Shirley thought this thorough. "Neither did I."

"Yeah but you're a member of our study group," Britta reminded.

"Plus, you actually contributed something by shooting that raptor," Jeff added.

"Hey guys," Troy was still looking out the window. "Is that Chang?"

Pierce looked out the window and chuckled. "What do you know? It is Chang."

Britta got a peek. "What's all that black stuff he's covered in?"

A practically paralyzed Chang barely stood on his knees where the helicopter once did. "I NEVER DIE!" he shouted to the helicopter before collapsing.

"Looks pretty dead to me," Pierce noted.

"No wait…" Britta watched what was happening, "…he's still getting up."

"Should we go back for him?" Annie inquired.

It didn't take much longer for everyone else to make a decision.

"Nah!"


	9. Damn You Steven

"You'd never think of Jews as backstabbers," Pierce insensitively grumbled as he entered the study room, offending most of the group (including the Jewish member). "Lousy, money-grubbing, Streisand worshipping-"

"What did they do now Hitler?" Jeff asked him as he diverted his attention to his blackberry.

"Well I've been all set for the Jurassic Park thing on my private island but thanks to an 'anonymous tip', Spielberg found out and he's suing me. I brought up the fact that he owes me and favor and he had the nerve to say he paid his debt twenty years ago and I still owed him." Pierce huffed. "He's agreed not to drop all charges if I stop the park entirely."

"Will you still be able to keep your private island?" Abed inquired.

"Yes, but I'll have nothing to do with it. Ugh, the drawbacks of having one's own private island. Having one and having nothing to do with it."

"You poor baby," Shirley bitterly remarked.

"You ever think of turning it into a vacation spot?" Jeff suggested. "Maybe make it like a honeymoon getaway like they did with a private island in one of those stupid Twilight movies." Everyone gave him a surprised look. "I know I took pride in not having read or seen anything in the Twilight series but I unfortunately lost a bet and had to see the first part of the last one. I regret everything."

"Aw," Troy was upset, "I always wanted to live out a 90's Blockbuster Movie," he opened his binder and looked at a piece of paper to the side. "And if I did Jurassic Park that would have cleared up Blockbuster movie, dinosaur movie, fun yet frightening adventure movie, and movie directed by Spielberg."

"Well," Pierce pulled movie tickets out of his pocket and handed one to Troy, "as a sign of good faith Steven gave me four free tickets for the 3-D release at midnight. I suppose it'll come close to experiencing the real thing. You want one A-bed?"

"Cool," Abed excitedly took the ticket.

"Two more left. Britta, you like free stuff. Would you like a free ticket?"

"As tempting as that seems," Britta sarcastically began, "I'm afraid I can't take the free ticket. I'm banned from ever seeing a 3-D movie after this one incident where I saw How to Train Your Dragon in 3-D after smoking a bunch of pot. Needless to say I'm not proud of what I did, but at least I'm still allowed in the theatre. I just can't see anything in 3-D."

"I'm afraid I have to decline too," Shirley declined. "It's been very hard for me to go to the movies by myself or without friends without my boys finding out and getting jealous. Besides, Andre and I promised to take them to see this movie Saturday afternoon and I'm going to need all the rest I can get the night before."

"Well then congratulations Annie and Jeffrey," Pierce slid the tickets to them. "It looks like you'll be joining Troy and A-bed on their movie date."

"He's just jealous," Troy whispered to Abed.

"Thank you Pierce," Annie slid the ticket back, "but I don't know if I should go."

"Have you ever been to a midnight showing before?"

"Yes, but not for a movie like this."

Abed's eyes widened. "You've never seen Jurassic Park!"

The table erupted in a cacophony of "You haven't seen Jurassic Park?" (Shirley) "What is wrong with you?" (Troy) "Everyone has seen that movie!" (Pierce) and "Sheesh Annie what planet have you been living on?" (Britta).

Annie was a bit stung. "Well I'm sorry!"

"What do you have to be sorry for?" Jeff questioned back at her. "So you've never seen it, so what? It took me twelve years after I graduated high school to finally watch A Christmas Story the whole way through." Everyone, Annie included, began to boo him. "What? I could never get through it because I thought it was boring. Just because it's on twenty-four hours at Christmas time doesn't mean you have to watch it. If anything it makes me not want to watch it. And I'm sure there are movies you guys put off watching until years later."

"No," Abed replied back.

"I meant everyone besides the movie watching robot. Come on, admit it."

Britta sighed in defeat. "Fine! I admit I'm the only girl I know who hasn't seen Steel Magnolias."

Troy's mouth dropped in shock. "You haven't seen…why haven't you told me this?"

"Because I didn't think it was that big of a deal."

"Uh yeah, it is." Troy started packing up his stuff. "Come on, we're going to go watch that movie," he grabbed Britta by the arm and practically dragged her out. "See you later guys!"

Shirley started getting ready to leave too. "I should probably do that too. See, I recorded the new Lifetime version of Steel Magnolias with Queen Latifah and an all-black cast of actresses including the woman who played Clair Huxtable. I've been putting it off for other things, but I suppose I should watch that. I'll see everyone tomorrow; have fun at your movie."

Pierce scoffed as he got up. "Why is it that those people have to ruin classics?"

Annie gasped in offense. "Pierce!"

"Oh, that sounded wrong, didn't it? Annie, Honey, I'm not talking about the blacks."

"Oh."

"I'm talking about the women. I'm going to go home and watch a man's movie," Pierce left.

Abed put his messenger bag around his shoulders. "I'm going back to the apartment to find my Jurassic Park shirt that I got back in '93. It should still fit; I was pretty tall as a child. See you two at the movies."

When they were alone, Jeff began to laugh. "You seriously haven't seen Jurassic Park?"

"Well it took you forever to see A Christmas Story!"

"I still can't believe you guys bought that!" Annie gasped. "I saw that when it first came on TV in the 80's." She hit him. "OW!"

"You deserve that."

"Yeah, probably. At least it got the rest of them off your back and you're welcome for that."

"Jeff, is Jurassic Park scary?"

"Not really, no. Is that why you put it off, because you were scared?"

"One of the reasons. I also thought the movie looked kinda dumb."

"Seriously? Wow, what planet are you from?"

"Don't tease me or I'll tell everyone I'm the reason you had to see Breaking Dawn Part 1."

Jeff smirked at her. "I've taught you well young grasshopper."

…

Back at Casa de Trobed, Abed had found his shirt, and then soon found himself watching Steel Magnolias with Troy and Britta.

"What?" they had reached a pivotal point in the movie that seemed to anger Britta. "They're seriously going to kill her off? Ugh, why?"

"Because they like to toy with our emotions," Troy sobbed as Abed handed him a tissue. "Thank you Abed."

"Predictable garbage," she reached for a drink.

"How are you not crying at this?"

"Abed isn't crying."

"I've seen this exactly twenty-one times," Abed informed. "Plus I rarely show emotion."

"Whatever, this movie's stupid," Britta just kept watching as Troy and Abed held hands. Britta took notice and just rolled her eyes and scoffed. "Troy and Abed watching chick flicks."


End file.
